


i'm not a morning person

by niniisstarving



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Fluff, M/M, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Esteem Issues, Tomboo centric btw, sensory issues, tubbo just makes a brief appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-27 22:07:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30129528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niniisstarving/pseuds/niniisstarving
Summary: Tommy gets panic attacks. Usually he can handle them alone, but this one is worse than usual. Ranboo is there to help.
Relationships: Ranboo/Toby Smith | Tubbo/TommyInnit, Ranboo/TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo/TommyInnit
Comments: 6
Kudos: 271





	i'm not a morning person

**Author's Note:**

> in which i project onto tommy. sorry tommy :p
> 
> !! tommy has a severe panic attack and flashbacks in this fic so if that may upset you please don't read. ily all stay safe.

Tommy had a lot of favorite things about Snowchester. He wouldn't say these things out loud, but he thought the area was breathtaking. Ever since moving in with Tubbo and Ranboo, he found himself sitting at the window often, doing nothing but watching the individual snowflakes fall gently onto the smooth, untouched layer of snow on the ground. He had never been a morning person before, but now he was there almost every sunrise, usually while Tubbo and Ranboo were still asleep, before the house's heater kicked on for the day. Tommy would watch the snow until the sun rose, rubbing his freezing hands together, until a groggy Tubbo would break his trance by pressing a kiss to his temple.

That was one of his other favorite things about Snowchester. Tubbo.

Yes, it was corny. Yes, he loved him. Sometimes the relief of safety was overwhelming. But it was still _relief_. The sound of Tubbo humming as he cooked breakfast for the four of them (Tommy had yet to learn how not to be awkward around Michael, but it was fine, he was sure he’d get there eventually), the domestic softness of sharing a bed with Tubbo, Tubbo’s endearing laugh making itself at home in Tommy’s heart... It had been so long since they were last this close. And this time it would last.

But still, it didn’t make it any harder to say goodbye to Tubbo before his business trip. Blah blah, something about bringing in more funds to the community, something, something—he just didn't want Tubbo to go.

“It’s just three days,” Tubbo said with a smile.

Tommy whimpered in protest like a sad puppy. “Make it a quick three days please.”

“Yes, please bend the rules of space-time,” Ranboo teased.

“Shut up dickhead,” Tommy said with very little malicious force behind the words.

And so Tubbo eventually left, taking Michael with him because he thought he deserved a little fresh air and would also enjoy the sparkling lights and sights of the Las Nevadas Strip.

The house was a lot quieter without Tubbo. Maybe because Ranboo was generally a quiet person, and ever since _that day_ in the prison Tommy had become a little quieter, too. And much more sensitive.

Honestly, somedays he felt like a hospital patient and like Tubbo and Ranboo were his nurses. He was ashamed, he felt weak. Each week at the therapuffy office, he worked a little more on unpacking that shame, on tearing it down piece by piece and replacing it with understanding and gentleness. But with every two steps forward he took one step backward, it seemed. And some days were harder than others. Usually the panic attacks were manageable. Sometimes he’d go through the whole day feeling like he was floating, or like the things around him weren't real.

And so he found himself there again, staring out the window. But he wasn't watching the snow this time, nor the edge of the orange sun peeking over the horizon. He wasn't watching anything. He blinked slowly, feeling the blankness of his mind turn his senses numb as he drifted to that cold, silent place.

"Tommy?" a quiet voice called.

Tommy was brought back to earth by a hand on his back, making him jump in his seat.

"J- _Jesus_ fuckin—" Tommy coughed out in surprise.

Ranboo gave a small chuckle. "You're always up so early. Sure you don't wanna come back to bed?"

Tommy rested his chin on his palm, still a little too dissociated to put on any kind of humorous act. "'m fine."

"It's warm, though," Ranboo singsonged. "Surely it'll be more comfortable than this wooden chair in the freezing cold."

He wouldn't lie, the offer was tempting. But things were different now. His senses weren't the same since being resurrected. Everything would swing from being too much, to completely numb. As corny as it was, Tubbo's kisses were the only sensation that hadn't been totally fucked for him. But Tubbo was off on a business trip, and stood in front of Tommy was the most handsome enderboy he'd ever seen, offering to take him to bed, in the literal sense of the words.

He was at a bit of a crossroads. Tommy knew his boyfriends were aware of the sensory issues, but he didn't think they knew how bad it really was.

Ranboo held his hand out. His smile was so soft, so genuine. It was home. It was one of the things on his ever-growing list of favorite things about Snowchester. And so Tommy thought _fuck it,_ and took his hand.

Tommy wished he could say so many things to Ranboo, wished there was some way to vocalize his thoughts. Maybe it was the shame, or a simple lack of vocabulary that stopped him. _I'm sorry for being distant. I'm sorry for being a prick in the past. I'm sorry for being a burden. I don't deserve you or Tubbo. I'm not as good as Tubbo and I'm sorry about that. I don't deserve to be here..._

They climbed into the warm bed, pulling the fur blankets up to their chins. Ranboo pulled Tommy close, and just as expected, force of habit almost caused Tommy to kick him away. But Tommy pursed his lips and forced himself to relax.

Ranboo's arms around him were soft and gentle, like being hugged by a teddy bear... if teddy bears were tall and lanky. Tommy was trying to remind himself at every moment that this was okay, that he deserved this, that he deserved to be loved. With each passing minute, he grew a little more comfortable in the bed, and the self deprecating thoughts slowed to a stop. In fact, he wasn’t thinking at all, but this time it wasn't the bad kind of head-empty.

Ranboo's hand was soothingly petting the side of Tommy's arm, filling Tommy's brain with a fuzzy happiness that was also calm, the type of touch that didn’t cause butterflies but instead slowed the beat of Tommy's heart, helping him drift off until he was snoring soundly in Ranboo's arms.

* * *

Tommy's morning would be one of the worst he's ever had.

Almost like a cruel joke from the universe, it never mattered how good Tommy's life was or how happy he was feeling at each moment. The memories would show up whenever they felt like it.

Tommy awoke to a vision clouding his mind's eye, one of Dream pinning him down by his throat. A feeling of pure panic washed over his whole body, turning his senses to ice despite being surrounded by warmth.

Ranboo's arms suddenly didn't feel like a hug anymore, but instead like scorching iron bars holding him in place on the bed. He shoved them off, along with the blankets, scrambling backwards and onto the floor.

Ranboo was awake in a second, eyes widening at the sight. Tommy was scooting backwards, eyes filled with panic, until his back and head hit the wall.

"Tommy?" Ranboo called, rushing to his side. "Tommy, what's wrong?"

_No, no, no, no, please not now, not in front of him._ Tommy was hyperventilating. He could barely hear Ranboo. His brain had taken a hold of him, like it was forcing his eyes and ears open against his will. God, even the _smell_ was coming back to him, of the scorching, molten rock that blinded him for days in the prison.

"Help—“ Tommy cried, staring at the floor in front of him. He didn't know _what_ he wanted Ranboo to do, he just knew the panic was overwhelming him, becoming too much, and that it was just the beginning. "Help! Ranboo, please help—“

And then it all came crashing violently onto him.

The tears poured endlessly from Tommy's eyes, and he screamed like he was being ripped in half. He remembered everything. Dream beating him. Dream holding him down. The air being forced from his lungs. His lungs collapsing. The feeling of dying.

Ranboo’s expression looked like his heart was shattering right then and there. "Breathe for me, Tommy. Please, breathe.”

Tommy squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head back and forth as he cried. Another vision washed over him. Another blood-curdling scream escaped him. _I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die and he's going to have to watch it happen._

"Tommy. Tommy, breathe. Let's breathe together, okay?" Ranboo's voice was desperate. "We're breathing together now. Breathe with me, Tommy." he cradled Tommy's cheek in his hand, turning his head to look him in the eyes.

Ranboo's palm against his face felt like lava, but Tommy did his best to focus on him anyway. He nodded shakily, following Ranboo's lead.

He breathed in, still shaking violently. He released it in a huff.

"That's it, I'm right here with you, Tommy. I'm right here. Let's take another breath."

The next fifteen minutes were painful. Each minute felt like an hour, with more invasive memories and cries of pain. Each breath he took was strained. But eventually he was able to direct his focus to Ranboo's voice, Ranboo's face, to Ranboo's instructions to _breathe in, and breathe out._

The tears slowed, and his breathing stabilized. He felt completely raw, like his heart was a bloody, open wound and he had just showed it to Ranboo with no warning.

"'m sorry," Tommy muttered, the dull ache settling in his legs from being sat on the hard floor. Feeling was returning slowly to his body. His hands were cold. His neck hurt, a lot.

" _No_ ," Ranboo said without hesitation. "No apologizing. I'm just glad I was here.”

Tears pricked at Tommy's eyes again. He tried to find it in him to protest, to put himself down, but he didn’t want to cause Ranboo any more pain than he already had, so he didn’t.

Plus, he too was glad Ranboo was there.

“Let’s get somewhere more comfortable than the floor,” Ranboo encouraged gently.

Tommy nodded, taking his hand again. He climbed back into bed with a shaky sigh, his legs feeling like jelly. Ranboo brought a cup of water, bringing it to Tommy's lips for him to take small sips from.

When he was done with the water, Tommy sunk his head into the pillow beneath him. Ranboo moved to wrap an arm around him again, but Tommy stopped him. As much as he wanted to hug him, he didn't think his senses could take it.

“N-Not yet, please,”

“Okay,” Ranboo said softly. “It’s okay.”

Tommy turned onto his side, lying facing him, and Ranboo mimicked the action. When in doubt, when his sense of touch betrayed him, there was still the calming visuals of Ranboo’s eyes looking into his own. He felt especially honored to be allowed to look Ranboo in the eye, considering the discomfort that endermen usually experienced during eye contact. Ranboo didn’t seem to mind.

Eventually Tommy felt the tug of sleepiness weighing him down on the bed.

“Thank you,” Tommy whispered. _For everything._

Ranboo replied with a soft smile and the two let sleep overtake them.

* * *

In three days, Tubbo returned from his business trip. He entered their bedroom and was greeted by the sight of Tommy sleeping on top of Ranboo's chest, snoring comedically loudly.

“Woah,” he muttered amusedly to himself.

Tubbo flicked the light on, and the other boys sleepily groaned at the shining light.

“Good morning, babes,” Tubbo chirped. “What’d I miss?”

**Author's Note:**

> if you're reading this remember youre loved <3  
> please drink some water, stretch your neck, and have a snack <3


End file.
